Leave Your Ego At The Door

This could quite possibly be the toughest thing I ever post!

I grew up in an Italian family and culture. Both sets of my grandparents were from Italy and came to the United States in the early 1900's. When we would have large family gatherings, the goal seemed to be to try and out-shout each other. Yes...we were loud. Can anyone else relate to this? We wanted to be heard. Not in a bad way, just wanted to make sure that everybody, including the neighbors down the block, knew our point of view. There was lots of love and closeness in my family. but....when someone didn't agree with you...watch out! Game on!! Now the goal was to prove that you were right & the other person was wrong! There was no middle ground. So as a child growing up in this environment, it seemed to be what everyone did and how everyone acted...it was "normal."

Now, for those of you who don't know me, you could say that I don't quite have an "inside voice." I speak loud...very loud, regardless of where I am. I'm not trying to purposely be loud, I just am. So even when I'm in a normal conversation, sometimes it may seem like I'm yelling (which I'm not). OK...here comes the difficult part for me so please don't judge me. Well, that's actually part of my problem. I judge! I immediately judge people and have an opinion, typically a negative one and, I also have a need to always be right. My way is the only right way of doing things. Couple this with my loud vocals and it can seem very passive-aggressive and obnoxious. Much of it is very reactive and just flows out without much thought which is a big part of my problem. This is how I have been all my life. When I was young, many people that I grew up with were the same way. I lived in a community where many of us had very similar personalities. I didn't think much about it...which is another part of my problem...I didn't think!

Fast forward to me as an adult and unfortunately, I still exhibit these characteristics. I am fully aware of my traits and I'm not proud of them at all. I try to work on them and for periods of time, I do OK. But then, a situation will arise and I react, don't think and immediately revert back to what I know. "Judgement and the need to be right." During these times, I unintentionally hurt the people I love & who love me most. Especially my wife & children. My wife, who I have been with for close to 30 years and the love of my life, is the most amazing woman I have ever met and without her, I would be half the man I am today (minus the pride & ego). She is so caring, compassionate and patient. Then there are my four children. I love each one of them with all of my heart and I would lay down my life for any one of them. My family is what drives and motivates me to be successful. They are all so intelligent, caring, loving & kind people. No judgement, no criticism, no having to be right all the time. They are the examples that I want (and need) to follow. If I can only leave my Ego at the door.

Throughout my journey I'm learning so much about me, and making transformational changes to my body, both inside & out. I have been open to changing the way I think about food and exercise, and how I approach each day. I have become much more mindful and aware of unhealthy habits, and have been able to slowly make positive changes. Yet I continue to battle with being open to change some of the most unhealthy behaviors I have...judgement, the need to be right all the time and a lack of compassion and empathy. I am a work in progress so I continue on my journey and am confident that I will make the changes I need in order to rid myself of these unhealthy behaviors. I'm trying to create simple strategies to work on slowly & one step at a time. Here are 3 that I am committed to working on in order to eliminate these unwanted behaviors:

1. Police My Thoughts: Before I speak I am need to pause and focus on what I'm thinking. Be mindful & aware and pay more attention to my thoughts and move them in a positive direction.  I will be open to other's opinions and ideas, realizing that there is more than just "my way" of doing things.

2. Stay Positive: My judgments and criticisms are negative and hurt people. I will make an effort to look for the positives in someone or something. While my mind might immediately focus on the negative, I will make my thoughts more positive and have something nice to say. My wife is one of the most positive people I know. Her energy and approach to finding the good in people is incredible and I need to follow her example of what good looks like!

3. Stop Judging Myself: I have come to understand that this is where it all begins for me. A lack of self-compassion. I am not immune to criticizing myself. Have you ever called yourself stupid or an idiot? I have, many times. I'm a perfectionist which is unhealthy and as I've written in other posts, I am learning that it's not about perfection but about progress. I'm slowly (very slowly) learning to give myself permission not to be "perfect" and still love myself and focus on the positive aspects of me. This will help me to then, focus on the positive aspects of others.

One of my core principles on this journey is "Accountability" and to share openly with others,(no matter how difficult), so that they may hold me accountable. Writing this, as difficult as it is for me, is allowing me to share my vulnerability which I need to do more often. I'm a very prideful individual and at times need to learn to open up and leave my pride (ego) at the door.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on how you work through change. I would appreciate ideas and suggestions that I might be able to implement into my life. You can leave comments at the bottom of this post, go to the Next Level Performance Facebook Group Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2313929212027567/, or drop me an email at nextlevelperformanceinstitute@gmail.com.

Thanks for reading...